


Still A Boy

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 12:28:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19745779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He was only a boy. Even if he thought he was bigger.





	Still A Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Suicide trigger warning.

“First gaming video in six months is uploaded! How’d you feel Danny!” Phil cheered from the gaming room, just loud enough for Dan in their living room to hear but not so the people above them would send them yet another noise complaint.  
Dan would usually run up the few stairs to hug him because it was an achievement after all. But alas, nope. Dan stayed on the sofa, watching but not really concentrating on some random tv show. He pretended to be fine throughout the video but faking takes energy and energy runs out eventually. And Dan’s energy had ran out a long time ago.  
Yes, the support from his fans made him so, so happy but the many hate comments and posts took over his mind.

“Faggot”  
“Don’t get why he turned this way after being normal for so long :/ you just lost a fan Daniel”  
“Why are we supporting people like this? They should all be killed”

He knew this wasn’t a choice and that it wasn’t a bad thing but that tiny voice that told him the opposite kept getting bigger and soon it was no longer a tiny voice, but a massive one. Muting everything but it.

At this point Dan had figured he had spent probably 25 of his 28 years sad, depressed, suicidal. Why hadn’t Phil left yet?   
Dan had so many problems. Things Phil would have never came in contact with without him.  
He was a weight pulling down on him, he was a fucking burden.

Dan got up, it was July, he didn’t need a jacket or even a hoodie so he just stood up and left his flat.  
It didn’t help that as soon as he left the apartment block a bunch of “chavs” began yelling at him.  
“Oi bender! Come back when you hit 12!”  
“What you doin’ out past bedtime? Did mummy and daddy leave you!”  
They kept laughing. He didn’t know these people? Why were they picking on a stranger?

Dan walked mindlessly for hours, not checking his phone, not gong back for a hoodie or jumper when the sun went down. His thoughts were a mess to say the least, they mainly cantered around how useless and annoying he was. He knew some people needed him, but here’s the thing. He left behind so many videos, posts and interviews that people would have things to look back on even when he was dead.  
There was no real need for him.

He just wanted to sleep and never wake up.  
He never wanted to speak again.  
He just wanted to slip into oblivion.  
He wanted to go so deep not even Philip Micheal Lester could save him.

With the night drifting into morning he began making his way back home.  
As he hauled his tired limbs up the stairs to his flat the tears began.  
He walked in on Phil asleep on a dining chair near the door, he shuffled past as quietly as possible, careful not to wake him.  
The stairs quietly creaked under his weight as he picked up his speed, he ran to his room, slipping off his shoes and turning on his phone for the first time in probably twelve hours. 

Seventeen missed calls from Phil.  
Forty-two unanswered texts, also from Phil.

It broke his heart to see Phil this worried but he was too wrapped up in self hatred that even Phil wasn’t enough to keep him alive.

He began his creep to the bathroom, hopefully he can get this done with no hassle. Sadly, he did.   
The bathtub filled, he got in, without even removing his clothes, he closed his eyes and what felt like six eternities later he slipped away. 

Daniel James Howell drowned on July 29th.


End file.
